What is love? - A story

I had been looking out for an interesting topic to write about, all these days! And one day one of my friends asked me a random question “what according to you is love?” Surprisingly I couldn't answer! That's when I decided to write my new post on this topic.
Well I can't actually describe “love” as such. But I can surely tell you a story depicting the same. So here you go.....

I had to let him go



“I am sorry. I can't really remember.....”

His words tore me apart. Just one month earlier, we had watched the sun set and held each other. He comforted me while I asked him why my best friend and I just couldn't get along anymore. But tonight, his mind was somewhere else; he couldn't remember that special night.

Why was he so distant? Was he so lost in his pain that had been haunting him for so long?

There were nights he cried himself to sleep remembering the harsh words of his mother. He told me how much he dreaded spending the weekends with her because it meant another 72 hours of being blamed for everything that went wrong. The nagging didn't stop – she harassed him because he got lower grades than his brother. He was not the perfect son she wanted. She said he was dumb; a disappointment to her. His skills in art were undeniable but her criticism led him to think he was useless.

The only thing that kept him alive, he told me, was our love. Friends for years, now dating, he needed me. In one of the letters I received from him he said, “you are my family. Just you. We can be a family”

At that time I believed him. I promised him I would be his family. I would always love him and never leave him alone. Few days went by and I now knew when he was happy and smiling and when his day was bad. Whenever he was sad, all he knew was to return the hurt to the undeserving. He said things which were cruel, apologizing the next day. Though I loved him, I couldn't take away his pain. Soon I realized my love could not compete with his inner pain. Though it hurt I realized he needed professional help rather than me. I had to let him go.

The night I told him this could not continue, tears stung my eyes as never before. He thought I had lied to him, I deceived him. But I hadn't lied to him but myself because I believed that all he needed was my love. Right now my love was only causing pain.

He had built a separate world in which only me and him existed. I knew the walls would crumble if he kept relying on me only.

Yesterday I saw him for the first time in a year. His eyes sparkled and the light came from within. The darkness is lifting because he allowed more people in his life, who helped him in more ways than I ever could. Although the painful memories will always remain, he is now beginning to believe in himself. Yesterday I realized even perfect love can't protect someone from himself. And the most loving thing you can do for someone is to let him go.

Love Vs. Crush

A lot of people have this confusion about love and crush....and I am really excited to talk about Love Vs. Crush! Hmmm.....so what exactly is the difference between love and crush????
LOVE    = Something you know what you are doing
CRUSH = Something you have no idea what and why you are doing!
(Ohk...I m finding this confusing!!)  Lets put it this way...A crush is similar to having an infatuation. You like the person for superficial reasons. Whereas love is deeper and you can't really explain why that person attracts you so much.
So how do we tell if it's an aquaintance, friend, crush or love?
Just follow the following steps:

1)  Ask yourself why. Do you love that boy 'cause he makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside or because he's on the football team? Does that girl make your heart flutter because she's sweet and understands you or because she's a popular cheerleader? Think about it.


2)  Figure out why they like you (if they do like you, that is). Is your love a good person who wouldn't hurt you for the world or is he/she someone who dates you 'cause "your body is perfect and would dump you as soon as you gained a few pounds"? Ask them or stuff the front of your shirt with some cotton and see what happens.

3)  Do you feel genuine affection for this person or are you using them as an escape route? Say you just got dumped by someone. You meet someone else who you automatically think is the ONE. But you're probably just fooling yourself because you haven't gotten over your last boy/girlfriend. Take your time, assess the situation, and determine whether your affection is real.

4)  If you talk on occasion, or at school you wave in the hallways, this person is most likely an acquaintance. You are comfortable enough around them to put yourself out there for a little bit. You can casually converse, but it's likely that you don't get into deep conversations about emotions. For girls, most of us just ask about love interests, etc.

5)  If you spend a lot of time with them, help them with problems, or even know some personal things about them, this person would most likely be considered a friend. If you feel open around them and you're not afraid to really talk to them, that's a good sign. This person is also probably a friend if you know that they like talking to you too. For guys, you do the guy handshake thing. For girls, you hug as a greeting and a goodbye.

6)  If you're very friendly with them, offer to help in any way, or notice physical attractions to this person, it's likely that they are your crush. A lot of crush characteristics come with physical/emotional attractions, so this is an obvious sign of your affection.

7)  Depending on the circumstances, if you're in a relationship with this person, it could be love. One of the best ways to tell if you're in love is if you put them as a very big priority in your life, and mean it. For example, if you are willing to share something special with this person, it could be a sign of love. Depending on what your idea of love is, you should be able to tell how you feel about this person.

Being in love is an exhilarating feeling, and it has the potential to become real love. Being in love is like the hook for the opportunity of real love to present itself. When you are in love with someone, you feel very attracted to the other person, in several different levels: physical, mental, emotional and yes, spiritual. From getting to know the person with whom you are in love, real love has the opportunity to flourish.
Real love, unlike an infatuation is realistic. Real love is a complete acceptance of the other person, and of oneself. Because if you can't love yourself, who can you love? Or who will love you? Complete acceptance does not mean that we don't find shortcomings in the other person, as that is not possible, we are humans and we are not perfect, we all make mistakes. Complete acceptance means discernment with no judgment. It means that we accept the whole package just as it is, without trying to change the other person to meet our every need.

Real love resides in knowing one another. In knowing what our strengths are, what our weaknesses are, what our potential is. In knowing these things we come to respect, and admire each other, and out of that, real love is born. "Love is the ability and willingness to allow those that you care for to be what they choose for themselves without any insistence that they satisfy you."

Abusive relationships

Abusive Relationship - sounds very much familiar to our ears! Thats because we hear the word so often now a days that we now count it as a very common thing. Infact, 1 in 11 high school students report being physically hurt. People in abusive relationships sometimes mistake the abuse for intense feelings of caring or concern. It can even seem flattering. Think of a friend whose boyfriend or girlfriend is insanely jealous. Maybe it seems like your friend's partner really cares. But actually, excessive jealousy and controlling behavior are not signs of affection at all. Love involves respect and trust. Most people don't want to admit that they are in an abusive relationship. They WANT to believe that everything is okay and everything will become allright in the end. And in this process, they start accepting that they are the ones who are wrong. Abusive relationships can be Physical, Sexual or Emotional.
Emotional abuse (stuff like teasing, bullying, and humiliating others) can be difficult to recognize because it doesn't leave any visible scars. Threats, intimidation, putdowns, and betrayal are all harmful forms of emotional abuse that can really hurt — not just during the time it's happening, but long after too.
Sexual abuse can happen to anyone, guy or girl. It's never right to be forced into any type of sexual experience that you don't want.
Physical abuse includes harming you physically in any way, including slapping, pushing, grabbing, shaking, smacking, kicking, and punching.
When someone says stuff like "If you loved me, you would . . . " that's also a warning of possible abuse. A statement like this is controlling and is used by people who are only concerned about getting what they want — not caring about what you want. Trust your intuition. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.
Many people avoid the pain of a breakup by thinking that things will work out. It often seems difficult to sort through the maze of emotions surrounding the relationship. The truth is, relationships can flourish, get boring, grow sour or even become abusive. People have to work at getting along with others. There are no quick and easy ways, no shortcuts to a healthy relationship.
How can you help yourself?
What should you do if you are suffering from any type of abuse? If you think you love someone but often feel afraid, it's time to get out of the relationship — fast. You're worth being treated with respect and you can get help. First, make sure you're safe. A trusted adult can help. Avoid the tendency to isolate yourself from your friends and family. You might feel like you have nowhere to turn, or you might be embarrassed about what's been going on, but this is when you need support most. People like counselors, doctors, teachers, coaches, and friends will want to help you, so let them.
Don't rely on yourself alone to get out of the situation. Friends and family who love and care about you can help you break away. It's important to know that asking for help isn't a sign of weakness. It actually shows that you have a lot of courage and are willing to stand up for yourself.
Just remember abuse has no place in love...

Building Healthy Relationships

As dicussed earlier, relationships play a major role in shaping our lives. A bad relationship often has many things in them. If you are in a relationship that has the following taking place, the chances of having a positive relation are slim. Get the heck out the relationship as soon as possible!

• One-sidedness - When one person dominates the relationship and you have to constantly give in, the person is a very bad choice to stay with. Such a domination often leads to inferior feeling in the opposite person.
• Manipulation - The person does anything to get what he or she wants. This includes threatening, beating or any kind of crime.
• Possessiveness - The person becomes extremely jealous if you talk to or hang out with other people. You feel that you can't be yourself. Possessiveness often leads to one-sidedness.
• Unrealistic demands - The person tells you that you must dress, act or think in a certain way. You always have to do what the other person wants instead of adjusting or compromising.
• Anger - The person gets extremely angry or violent. You are hurt and afraid and always think its your fault. Sometimes people with bad anger get calm really quickly. They then try to console and apologize for what they have done. It is always wise to remain away from such people. 

Learn to recognize people who don't have your best interests at heart so you can avoid them. Learn to recognize the qualities that make a good relationship, and work on keeping relationships healthy.

• Take your time - As mentioned in my previous post, really getting to know and trust someone occurs as you have many experiances together.
•  Balance the give and take - Make sure there is a healthy balance of give and take. Neither person should dominate the relationship.
• Don't worry too much - Don't allow yourself to spend a great deal of time worrying about your relationship. Just keep moving on with it. Be happy with what you've got!
• Adjust to change - Realise that relationships constantly change, and learn how to adjust to these changes. You could drift away from a close friend. Or you could decide to start dating someone as your friendship grows closer.
• Look for good qualities - Keep the past relationships/experiances in mind and write down why certain people make good friends to you. Look for those qualities when making new friends.

So good luck in your journey to a newer, healthier and better relationships!
         

What is a relationship? What are its pre-requisites?

Ever wondered what a relationship actually is?? What does it take to keep a relationship healthy and going? Well, Relationship is the way in which people get along together. The way in which things are connected. We all start off life with built-in relationships. We are all connected to someone who takes care of us: parents, grandparents, relatives or other caring people. Sometimes though, we may not be so lucky. The people who were there at the beigning of our life may not be a part of our later life. For example, death, suicide, accidents or divorce may take place and either of the parents, grandparents, brother or sister may leave. In such cases we turn to other adults who care for us a lot.
Relationships with classmates, neighbours or colleagues can be wonderful. But like anything else in life, some relations don't work out well as we want them too. Some relations can be unhealthy and bad for us. Sometimes it's hard to figure out who is good for us and who isin't. Some classmates or co-workers take advantage of us, play games or just take something from us. Some use force, manipulation or our emotions to get what they want from us. If you are alert and know before time about their intentions, you could be saved from getting hurt.
Now lets move on to the pre-requisites for an acceptable and top-quality realtionship. The basic and the most important things required in a relationship are Trust and Understanding.
Let me start with an example. A child loves his mother a lot but he doesn't say "I love you" everyday or whenever he meets her! Also, the mother never expects the child to say that and instead loves her child back unconditionally. Similarly, one should not expect his/her boyfriend or girlfriend to "say" that he/she loves you. If that person is with you and he supports you in everything you do, then he is already showing his love...and I believe that Actions speak louder than Words! This is what you call TRUST. 
However, people often blindly trust their new love. NO, thats not how you begin a new relationship. This will infact lead to a disaster! You need to spend a few weeks/months with the person in order to trust him.
I have often seen a situation like this: A mother starts inquiring about her son when he comes home late at night. The son thinks that she dosen't trust him. However, the son is wrong. When the mother is questioning him it just shows that she cares for him. And if the son does not reply rudely and does not misbehave with her, it means he UNDERSTOOD her concerns.
So you see....Trust & Understanding are related to each other.
If you trust the opposite person, you will automatically understand him.

Launch of the blog!

Today is the date of launch of this blog! And its the first time I would be writing an article for a blog (yippiiee!!! I am so happy!) . Today i will tell you what this blog is all about and what all things you will find here.
Firstly, let me introduce myself to you. I am Pooja Nayak and I love solving relationship problems (which is why my friends hate me! ;) ).
On a serious note, I love reading romantic novels and love listening to romantic music. And thats the reason I decided to open my own blog where I can offer help and show beautiful ways to maintain and handle relationships. I would also love it if you mail me personally to seek answers to your problems.
Now lets talk things in you interest! You already have got a hint about the blog. Few things you will find on this blog will include ways to enhance relationships, ways to maintain understanding between each other and methods through which you can create trust on each other. We all know lot of things like - relationships require love, trust, care, etc. etc... - but we don't know how to implement it. That is exactly what you would find in this blog.
I am so excited to start this blog and communicate with people, especially teens, about their problems and experiances. I hope you enjoy reading my articles and find all your answers in them.
So lets begin the journey!!